THE THONG!!!!!!

What is it about the power of the thong that to this day -- now that pretty much every female walking the earth is wearing one -- holds men enraptured? Dude, I recall that, in the dark, pre-thong era, seeing a glimmer of some chick's underwear when she bent over was so cool. In high school, if you catching a glimpse of a girls underwear was an achievement that you bragged about to your friends for weeks. Your friends would look at you in awe as you described the color and design of the hot cheerleaders underwear you saw. But seeing underwear 10 years ago never instilled the lascivious, sinister thoughts that somehow the sight of a thong incurs.

Case in point: I just returned from the mall, and one of the girls working at some clothing store was a big girl; not immense, but she had to go at least a good 200 pounds. Every time she bent over, she flashed some big thong action, and every guy within a 50 yard radius would stop and watch, spellbound. I mean, every guy. And not in a "holy shit, look at that" kinda way, but more in a "mmmmmm.... thongs" kinda way. I doubt they were turned on by it. I mean she wasnt exactly a looker. But the guys were turned on by the thong. My friend Brent says a thong automatically raises a girl a point or two on the hotness scale.

It's magic, people. Anyway, to every chick out there wearing a thong today, I salute you.